Merv Lebor

My brother Mervyn, or Merv as he preferred more recently, died on Friday morning 28 April 2023 (Iyar 7, 5783). He was sixty eight, turning sixty nine on 13 May.

He had been ill for over a year, suffering from an incurable disease, but he was treated with great care and attention by his medical team with medicines and treatments which helped him maintain a quality of life, even though he became weaker and weaker. Blood transfusions every week, up to the point where he no longer had the strength to go to the hospital. And above all from beginning to end Merv was cared for devotedly by Jo.

The funeral was on Friday afternoon, we sat shiva in Merv’s house until Monday afternoon, then went down to London and sat at Louise’s house until Thursday morning.

The most moving part of the shiva was when the whole family gathered at Merv’s house on Monday afternoon. There was Merv’s widow Jo, her two daughters Sarah and Daniella with their husbands, Michael and Jonathan; myself and Marian, together with Rachel, Deborah and Jonty; Louise and Simon, with Gabriella, Tali, Reuben and Boaz; and Jo’s sister Sharon with her husband Steve. Even my oldest friend Ian who had flown in from Israel especially.

We sat for a number of hours talking about Merv, discussing his attributes and his talents; his likes and dislikes; his religious conviction and his spirituality; his diverse connections with people; his quirks and characteristics; his sense of humour; his dress sense, or lack of; his adventures and experiences; his unexplained support of Fulham FC; his writings and his interactions with his students; most of all his warmth and his kindnesses.

my funny, clever, kind, warm, generous brother

Merv and I, and our sister Louise were born and brought up in Hampstead Garden Suburb in London. I am the eldest, Merv was three years younger than me, Louise is ten years younger than me. Merv and I attended Menorah primary school, he went on to Hasmonean grammar school, and I attended Christ’s College in Finchley.

We had very different personalities, not that unusual for siblings. I was not particularly studious, more interested in football, music, and having a good time. Merv was good at his studies and he was sociable and popular.

Although the truth was that we did not particularly get along in our younger days, we were three years apart, moved in different circles, did different activities, and mainly he was the annoying younger brother! And we were physically apart for most of our lives. Merv went to Sheffield University when he was eighteen to study English Literature where he met Jo who was from Liverpool. They married, found jobs in Leeds and apart from a short stay on a kibbutz in Israel, remained there for the rest of his life. I lived in London all of that time until we left for Israel in 1994.

Of course we got together for family occasions, happy and sad, but I do not remember ever having a cross word with him. Merv was not like that, he did not start arguments, not with me anyway. I think he just preferred to get his point across mildly. You either agreed or you disagreed and went away quietly.

We spoke more often as his health worsened, and ironically we got closer as a result. And he always ended our conversations with, ‘You keep well now…’. In the latter stages of his illness, he was less inclined to speak to anyone and resorted to exchanging WhatsApp messages. He sent a ‘Good Shabbos’ message out to all the family every week. Even on the Sunday before he passed away, he sent me a Whatspp message scolding me for my support of Tottenham, suggesting that I should change my allegiance to Fulham. But he wrote it as if he was speaking in a faux German accent..’Vot is happening mit ze Spurs… move to Fulham before too late…’. He maintained his sense of humour right up to the end.

I already miss my funny, clever, kind, warm, generous brother and I am sure he has found his place in the world to come.